Advice for Students

Learn the terms. Kidscape believes bullying is

deliberate
about a power relationship–the strong picking on those they perceive as weak
has an outcome that is painful for the targeted person.
Is usually repeated over time, a chronic domination of one student by another, or a group.

Of course there are mean words and pushing and shoving in any school day, and children will learn to shrug off the every-day. There may be a one-off attack that is so diabolical, like a physical beating or a mass-text-attack, that is surely is bullying. More commonly, the bullying to worry about is sustained and repeatedly directed to particular children.

Bullying can take many forms–and many bullies combine their attack modes. You might find bullying that is

Physical–hitting , punching, fights, threats, intimidation
Verbal–sustained name-calling, sarcasm, spreading rumors
Emotional–exclusion, humiliation
Racist–taunts, graffiti, gestures
Sexual–unwanted physical contact, homophobic abuse
Cyber–this increasingly sophisticated generation makes use of all the technology at hand, including phone texting and messages, websites and email. Bullying can become a full-time onslaught, even when you are at home.

Bullies often pick on someone who’s “different.” Sometimes it’s a child who’s had some hard luck–believe it or not, we know bullying that affects children with cancer, or someone whose parent has died, or those with handicapping conditions, including Asperger’s. How brave is a bully who picks on someone who is already suffering?! There is really no pattern–students who are shy or slow or brilliant or don’t care about football or care passionately about, say , astronomy, can come in for this treatment. Bullies say they can pick out targets–and you need to watch out, for most do some testing, with a small attack, to see if they get the reaction they desire. That is, colouring up, or crying, or running away, anything that shows the target is hit. And then bullies home in on the silliest thing, often–new glasses, old trainers, red hair–and keep punching until the target only has to see them to crumble.

Everyone is different, and the world needs differences. Some of those “different” people grow up to have great success–Bill Gates, for instance, developed Microsoft, and Mika now counts his Number One records, perhaps illustrating the strengths they discovered along the way. If you are being bullied, hold on to your dreams.

BUT of course, you need to keep safe. Developing a school culture that will not tolerate bullying is a giant step. Many bullied children are at risk of serious physical harm, and certainly taunts and exclusion can seriously hurt.

Resolve that it is time to tell, and to enlist some adults on your side. The law states that you should be safe in school–and bullying is one hazard that can be contained, and should be. But most negotiation with the school needs to come from your parents. Kidscape’s helpline for parents 08451 205 204 will help them, as will the website.

There is much to learn–from something as simple as how to stand (physically) to how to stand up (mentally). There are ways to discourage bullying, and they can be learned in a day–visit the Kidscape website for an outline. Then enlist your family in helping you practice, until these new behaviours are second nature. Of course you aren’t changing what is fundamentally YOU. But you are mastering skills that will help you at work and all along your future life.